I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
