Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
