i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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