i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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