this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
