I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
