Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
