you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude. I can hear the air.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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