i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
