Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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