btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't put those talents on a resume
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
