Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
