420 ftw
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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