I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
