The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
