some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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