is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
