I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
