Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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