I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
