i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
