U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
