woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it glows. i had to have it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
