maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
