I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
