Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
love makes seman taste better
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
