took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
