Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
