you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
