So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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