I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
