I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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