Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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