My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
