i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
