I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
