we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
