Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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