i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
