I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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