There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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