dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
