Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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