Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
