giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
