You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
