So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
