Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
