..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
