the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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