idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
