i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
